Scrapbooks are a way to hold our memories, our hearts, for us to reflect on and for future generations to share. Why then do so many dedicated scrapbookers like myself have some of our most special memories that remain unrecorded while we create pages about comparatively ordinary events?
Five years ago today, I delivered our son. Parker was born 17 weeks early, and lifeless. Despite the arrival in May 2003 of our daughter Bridget we still feel keenly today the hole in our family left by Parker’s loss.
I was already an avid scrapbooker at the time and had kept a scrapbook of my pregnancy until that tragic day that it ended so suddenly. Since then, I have scrapbooked about all variety of topics. Why then does our precious time spent saying goodbye to our son at the hospital, including the only photographs that were taken of us holding him, remain in my heart instead of in a memory book?
On several occasions since that time I have assembled all of the photos and other memorabilia we have of that horrible day, pulled together some coordinated supplies to use and then…stopped. Paralyzed. But by what?
Of course I have a heavy heart when I think of completing this project. But it is more than that which stops me from pulling out my trimmer and adhesive and setting to work. It is fear. Fear that my creation will not do justice to the precious memories in my heart. Fear that my pages will not be as special as my angel deserves.
I think that many scrapbookers have a special memory – happy or sad – that remains unrecorded for a similar reason. Understandably, we put the most pressure on ourselves about how to scrapbook the memories we value the most. That pressure can be paralyzing.
So how do scrapbookers overcome that fear so we can scrap those memories? There are probably as many different answers as there are scrapbookers. For some it may mean giving ourselves permission to “screw it up,” for others it may mean not using anything irreplaceable so we have the ability to redo the layout if we would like at a later time, and for others there may be yet another answer. However we do it, we need to remind ourselves of the importance of these memories and allow ourselves to do whatever it takes to record them. Our scrapbooks, our legacies, are not whole without them.
Five years is too long. It’s time for my son to have thememory book he deserves. Perhaps the realization of that anniversary will be the push I need to make it through my paralysis.
Whatever it takes, make it through yours. The most important things may be the hardest, but that is because they are the most important. Don’t let them be forgotten.
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your beloved son with us. I am sure that the memory book, once it is created will be a loving tribute to an angel who is loved and missed.
Adele
Nancy- Do that scrapbook woman! My heart is with you today!!!
BIggest hugs-Peg
(((((((HUGS))))))))) Nancy. That is really a hard one. You will do it when the time is right, whenever that is. I am in a similar situation with scrapping about my Dad who passed 2.5 years ago so I understand.
Nancy- You are a wonderful writer. When you are ready sit with pen and paper (or keyboard) and just let the memories flow. Then I bet it will all come together for you. My thoughts are with you!
Nancy–BIG Hugs! Coming from the same place-I know the pain, I understand the fear that I cannot do the memory justice, but I can tell you it will be the most theraputic event you will probably ever scrap
Veronica
Nancy, all I can offer you today is a (((Hug))) I am in tears because your reason for not scrapping your precious Parker is the same reason I have of not scrapping my dad that passed 2 years ago. I. Just. Can’t. Do. It.
I think its because it will somehow seem final to me or it will be “more real” if I put it down as a memory. I don’t know.
Know that I will be thinking of you and your family today.
Elizabeth
ScrappinQueen
((hugs)) to you Nancy. I’m sure your tribute to Parker will be every bit as beautiful as your memories of your time with him.
My heart feels heavy for your loss. But I think you’re right: it’s time for your son to have his book.
You’ve inspired me to do the same. My father died 10 years ago and I’ve never been able to bring myself to do that book.
I think it’s time I did. Thank you for sharing your lovely ideas with all of us. You’re an inspiration….
Suzanne
http://suzannebalvanz.blogspot.com/
You should do it Nancy. Scrapping about something really is a healing experience. {Big Hug}
wow, hugs hugs and more hugs….elsie flannigan did a book about herself and her hubby for her “future grandkids”. how about a book about your family dedicated to, and addressed to your son? what a powerful message to send to all your loved ones….god bless…
***Crying*** I am sooo sorry. What a tragedy. My heart really goes out to you. You are so brave to share your heart with the community like this, so that we can benefit from your life lesson. I truly appreciate it.